I Haven’t Been Trusting the Lord

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

26 Look at the birds of the [p]air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:26-27

I have been a Christian for 12 1/2 years.  I’ve known and understood the gospel message for most of my life, but it’s only been since about 2002 that I would consider myself to have been born again.  These past 12 1/2 years have seen me go through many ups and many downs.  

Growth, setback, doubting…trust…

Trust.

I thought I had been trusting the Lord.  I thought I had been leaning not on my own understanding and allowing him to make my paths straight.   I also thought I had been considering the birds in the air and the lilies in the field.  I thought I was seeking first God’s kingdom, and allowing other things to be added unto me.

I was wrong.

In some ways, I have trusted God. I’ve trusted God with my finances.  I’ve trusted Him with job situations.  I’ve trusted Him with difficult friendships.

But there has been one major area in which I’d been holding out.

Marriage.

I desire very much to be married.  I am nearing an age that some think it is too late for marriage.  Maybe not so much in these times, but certainly 30 or more years ago, I’d probably be considered an old maid by now.

I do not believe that I have put my life on hold while waiting for a man to rescue me.  Well-meaning people often warn against this.  It’s not the case for me.  I do have friends.  I go out when I have time.  I volunteer and am active in church.  My life is very full and quite blessed – in spite of any difficulties.

Still, the fact that I am still unmarried, while people half my age are getting married left and right, then having children (not always in that order), is a source of disappointment for me.  When will I meet the man I will marry?  Will it be before I am no longer able to have children of my own? The questions go on and on, as does the pain.

Obviously, this is something I think about quite a bit.  And therein lies my problem.  There is where the lack of trust comes in.

Do I trust the Lord to know and be concerned about the desires of my heart? Yes.

Do I know that he wants what is the very best for my sanctification and growth?  Of course.

Do I believe that He will give me a fulfilling life, whether single or married?  Definitely.

But…

Do I believe that the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, holy Lord of all creation will remember that I desire to be married, if I don’t worry about it constantly and remind Him about it every 30 minutes or so?

Well, no.

I haven’t been believing that.  So, I’ve been reminding him fairly regularly.  Lest the One who is the Alpha and Omega, who knows precisely how many hairs are on top of my head (and how many are white vs. how many are brown)…lest He forget that I’m still hoping for an earthly husband…I must remind him.  Often.  If I fail to do this, he might think I changed my mind and will completely alter his plans for my future.

When put like that, it seems pretty ridiculous, huh?  Yeah.  It does.

I am actually ashamed at what a low view I must have of my God, to think that he needs me to leave him Post-It Notes all over the place.  I repent in sackcloth and ashes.  Maybe not, but with a broken and contrite heart, I ask forgiveness for grossly underestimating God’s sovereignty, wisdom, and trustworthiness.

Attempting to act as God’s self-appointed, personal assistant is actually pretty tiring and burdensome.  What a relief to realize He doesn’t actually need me to act in that capacity!

So, hopefully, from here on out, I’ll trust and “allow” God to do His work.  I’ll stop trying to micromanage Him.  If, in fact, He does intend for me to be married in the future, I trust that he will continue orchestrating my life and the man’s life, in order for that to take place.

I will relinquish the personal assistant position and set about the work that He has called me to do:  To love Him with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength and to love my neighbor as myself.

31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But [s]seek first [t]His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:31-34

36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the great and[a]foremost commandment. 39 The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22:36-40

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Let the (HSP) Buyer Beware: HSPs and “Wounded Puppy” Men (Part 3 of 3)

I’m thinking I can only eke out this one more post on this topic.  So, let’s get to it.

Most of what I’ve read about HSPs includes that we are very sensitive to other people’s emotions, as well. Very empathetic.  It’s mentioned that HSPs seem like we are psychic, because we can perceive others’ emotions so well.

I won’t go much into being “psychic.”  However, I can see why this would make us susceptible to these types of troubled guys, the “wounded puppies.”

First, we see the surface.  Ohhhh, this guy is trouble.  Then, we talk for a couple of minutes.  Or maybe more.  In between all of the rough, tough and rude, some little phrase or personal information slips out.

That tiny crack in the veneer is not a “tiny crack” to an HSP.  It’s a wide-open door, with a sign that says “look into my heart. Rescue me.”  It probably doesn’t actually have a sign, but we create that sign in our imaginations.  We want to know who hurt him.  When?  How can I make it better?

“Project!!!”

These guys very well may need help.  But guess who should not be the one to give it?  You got it:  the HSP female, who will fall in love with his wounded-ness.  In romantic love.  An actual canine puppy? No problem.  We can cuddle it, we can nurse it back to health, but we will never envision a relationship with this puppy. Because, well, it’s a puppy.  That’s why.

On the other hand, Puppy-Man should not be seen as a potential mate.  Puppy-Man may not even know that he needs/wants our help.  He will probably be resentful and push us away.  And what will that do to our tender hearts?

So, HSP sisters, back away from Puppy-Man.  You can’t fix him.  You can – and should – pray for him.  You can – and should – seek out some strong Christian brothers who might befriend him.  However, this must NOT be with the goal in mind that they will fix him, and you can date him.

This is not to say that Puppy-Man is 100% undateable.  It’s just that it can never be your goal.  If it ever comes back around to the two of you, that’s wonderful.  But please, PLEASE do not date him during his healing time.  And if you don’t date him, don’t sit in the waiting room, while he’s in the Puppy ICU.  I can’t decide which of those two actions would be worse.

I’ve realized that all of what I’ve said has come from a place of protecting your HSP heart.  Let me also talk about Puppy-Man’s heart.  IF he falls in love with you in this state, it will not be a healthy love.  It will be a selfish, needy love.  He’s too mired in his issues to truly love you in a godly way.  He may not even truly have a relationship with God, that is based in love, fear and obedience.  That’s why he’s in the state he’s in to begin with!

Anyway, there will come a point where you’ll discover the unhealthy nature of his love codependence for you.  You will decide that this is not what you desire.  And you will want to leave the relationship.  (Worse yet, you’ll be like me and stay, anyway.  Two years ago.  Not with this one.) If you leave, his heart will be broken.  Puppy-Man can neither give healthy love, nor respond to it.  So, when this love is withdrawn, it will cause him further damage.

What is the most loving (and healthy) way for an HSP to handle a Puppy-Man?  Kindly back away from even a friendship.  As soon as it becomes clear that he is in such a condition, and is not doing anything to seek help, you need to end the friendship.  Please trust me on this.  If you don’t, you’ll both fall in love for all of the wrong reasons.  You will not be able to be “just friends.”  Please trust me on this.  I’ve been through it too many times.  And no, it won’t be “different” for you.

Every, single person you will ever meet has issues, hurts, insecurities and sins.  No one will be fully healed and sinless until they are with the Lord in heaven.  But look at how the wounds are being treated.  They are being treated in one of two ways:

1.  He is licking his own wounds, using alcohol, drugs, fighting, and/or rudeness.  Or he may be licking his wounds with good old denial that they even exist. There are countless other “home remedies” that may be employed, but these are the ones I usually find in my Puppy-Men’s cabinets…

OR

2.  He is rushing to the only One who can bind his wounds.  He is giving up all of his “over-the-counter” meds and tossing all of his home remedies.  He is repentant and ready to follow the “Doctor’s orders.”

Only the men from the second category will be able to truly love you and receive your love in a healthy and honest manner.