Forced to Write

I’m being forced to write this post.

By myself.

I think about writing every day. There are several topics I’d like to discuss; several ideas going around in my mind all the time.

But I don’t write.

Why not?

(Brace yourselves for a lame excuse.)

I’m tired. I’m so tired.

I work 5 hours per day; six on Fridays. How could I possibly be tired?

The vast majority of my time is spent locked away in a file room, where there is very little traffic. Except me. I’ve mentioned before that I could complete all of the requirements of my job for a week and not have to see or speak to another person.

When I do “sneak” out to get some human interaction, I feel lazy and guilty, because 9 times out of 10, it’s not work-related. Okay, maybe 7 times of out 10.

For this extrovert with ADD, sitting all alone and messing with files is really a mental drain. So, by the time I get home, I only have energy to zone out on Facebook or Pinterest. More lameness.

I’d actually had big plans to write this evening after work; but earlier in the day, I noticed that a job I’m looking at has been posted online. Plan changed. Gotta complete the application.

After working on the application, I sat for a while, thinking that I did not have the mental energy to write tonight. Yes, I was also visiting the above mentioned websites.

Just now, I was getting ready for bed. Then, the thought came:

Why don’t you just write? Just push through this so-called mental drain and just write something!

So, here I am. I’ve written. I’ve written about writing. I’ve written about not writing. But I’ve written.

I never realized how much I truly enjoy writing until I started this blog. And this is certainly not the first blog I’ve ever had. Perhaps it’s because the topic gives my scattered-all-around brain something to focus on. A central topic. This is usually a huge challenge, and my posts would end up like this:

Today, I woke up. Then, I ate some food. Then, I went to some places and did some things. And then, someone said something to me about something. I felt some way about it. Now, I’m at home again.

Not terribly compelling to read. Nor is it really something to look forward to writing.

I did it. I pushed through the “tired.”** And I’m so glad that I did. Now I know that I can do this. My brain doesn’t have to shut down as soon as I get home! And even if it feels shut down, I still need to eke something out.

My mind actually feels so much more clear now.

How do you motivate yourself when you want to – but don’t want to – write? Or do anything else?

**I probably should read this post when I don’t feel like working out, too. Let’s see how that works out…

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